My on-air F-Bomb!

Last week I was back at Q Television’s On Q Live to give a commentary. Here I am with the lovely makeup person who made me look young, and then getting wired for sound. Exciting, I know, and all the folks there are so fun that I always love being involved.

As the show’s title suggests there is no time-delay, it’s all live all the time and I’m there to do my little rant about something in the queer community that annoys me. I picked the gay rainbow flag, coordinated everything with my producer, Anne, got my copy in, approved the photos, and then as we went to shoot… the teleprompter stayed on my ending and then shrunk and then just showed my website info. NONE of my commentary was on the screen.

Thankfully, I had notes on the table, but in the middle of my song—yes, I sang—I completely blanked. As in Cindy-Brady-with-the-red-light blanked. And then on live TV I yelled… Well, check it out and enjoy the magic for yourself.

(NOTE: this is from my original text so it’s not an exact transcription.)

These are the freedom rings I bought when I was 18 and just coming out, and the gay rainbow symbol was so cool back then because it was a code, and you’d see somebody wearing one and quietly think, “Oh, a homosexual…”

But seriously, now I walk into a room and people just think, “FAG!” You see, we don’t need rainbows anymore, kids. I mean, sure, if you’re living in middle America and fighting the revolution then great. (I pick up a rainbow flag and hum the tune to Les Miserables God bless ya. But for the rest of us, it time to move on.

I mean, they don’t match anything in anybody’s wardrobe and no matter how much we’d like to think otherwise, the gay community is not a rainbow of united colors. Hell, we can’t even agree if we should have the drag queens a leather daddies in the parade so don’t come here telling me you’re all “orange” or something.

But here’s a little history lesson for yah. Because we loves to entertain, but we also loves to educate…

Artist Gilbert Baker created the rainbow symbol in 1978 for the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade and the rainbow flag became more widely adopted as a gay pride symbol in 1979 following the assassination of Harvey Milk, who was the first openly gay member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors and a huge political activist.

Unfortunately the political power behind the rainbow has been totally lost and instead adapted to fit every possible queer need, so all you see are slews of people hawking rainbow colored tchotchkes at Pride Parades in order to make a quick buck.

And let’s be honest, the homos that do use the gay symbol, they tend to over use them and that’s what fires me up.

(start getting REALLY loud now) They’ve got their bumper stickers along with an HRC sticker, or those LOOONNGGG rainbow strips down the back. Oh, and those queens have annoying bumper stickers that say things like, “It’s not pretty being easy!” Ew! No, you little nellie queen! You don’t do that! That’s like guys with license plates that say BTM BOI… Bottom Boy? (put on a fey voice) “Charmed, I’m sure.” No! You do not need to advertise! And if I see another lesbian driving around with a faded political bumper sticker like “Geraldine Ferraro for Vice President” I’m going to… to…fart!

NO, I’m not, but I’m going to lay down the law like Jesse Jackson, right here right now. You are allowed ONE sticker. That’s it. No rainbow disco balls hanging from the rear view mirror, no shirts—maybe at a parade, I’m still shaky on that one— no license plate frames, no housewares, beach towels, and definitely no sheets!

You know, contrary to popular opinion I am not a singer, but if I was I would think…
(SONG BREAK, to the tune of Rainbow Connection)

Why are there so many
Queers wearing rainbows?
That symbol makes me want to cry.

Rainbows are garish
I wish they would perish…
They’re… F**K! I FORGOT THE WORDS! (look at notes).
Oh yeah, they’re like going back to tie die.

I’ve seen them too many times to ignore them.
They hang around like bad STDs

But someday we’ll lose them.
These rainbow obsessions.
For faggots, for trannies, and dykes.
All of us under its spell.
But wear them and you’ll just look tragic!
(DING! I rang a bell for the big finish…)

Have you seen little twinks?
With rainbow beads danglin’
They’re getting no love from behind.

Or what about young lessies
All dressed up like tomboys
Their rainbows make other girls dry.

It’s well past time that we stopped needing rainbows
Our pride should just come from inside.

So trash those freedom rings
The t-shirts and stickers
You faggots, you trannies, you dykes!

(NOTE: I have not heard back from Q TV. Perhaps I went too far…)