West Hollywood is on Fire!

Before we get into our breaking news program, let me remind you that next week, August 29th, I'll be co-hosting the Frank DeCaro show on Sirius Out Q. Guests will include Chris Lisotta, Dave White & Alonso Duralde, and other fabulous folks.

Don't have Sirius? You can get a temporary or permanent membership to listen online. Check out their website.

WEST HOLLYWOOD IS ON FIRE!

News travels fast in this city, especially when a gay bar in Boy's Town catches fire. The location (as I type this) is Micky's, a.k.a. Icky's, a.k.a. Stinky's. This is where they have "Dancing With the Porn Stars" and it's also the location where I go-go danced for Instinct Magazine years ago. Tragic, but true.

Let me give you the rundown of how my friends and I heard and delivered the news...

RODNEY (via e-mail): Brian Hay (from Boy Meets Boy and currently a bartender in West Hollywood) just called to tell me that Micky's is burning and the fire has spread to East/West Lounge.

GIZICKI (via e-mail): Crazy fags and their crack pipes.

RODNEY (via e-mail): Brian says they have been evacuated from Fiesta Cantina (where he works). The firemen are on the roof trying to vent the flames. This is Rodney Griffis, reporting live for Channel 6 news. Back to you, Kent!

BD (via e-mail): Rodney, can you please look at the camera and say, "Channel 6 is hot, Hot, HOT!"

RICK (via e-mail): Hold up. A Different Light Bookstore is between Micky's and East/West. It should be blazing with books (investigative journalism in action!). And will I still make royalties off burned books?

CHRIS (radio producer for the Stephanie Miller Show, via e-mail): The pictures at ABC7.com make it look huge!

GIZICKI (via e-mail): If I had a dime for every time I've heard that...

Phone rings... I pick up.
MEGSBIAN: GIRL! West Hollywood is on fire! Turn on Channel 2!

RICK: I know, girl. Everyone knows.

MEGSBIAN: You think Beast/West is on fire? I was gonna go there to get some lezzie action tonight. I better call my girls!

Click. I call brother-in-law John who lives up the street from Micky's.

RICK (after John picks up): GIRL! West Hollywood is on fire! Turn on Channel 2! It just looks like Micky's, though.

JOHN (former lawyer, now a school teacher): Failing club suddenly catches fire. Curious...

RICK: Scandal! I gotta go! Click.

RODNEY (via e-mail): According to sources on the scene, the fire started at Micky’s and has spread east. But Channel 7 has said the fire started at East/West. And one person has been injured and rescued from the 2nd Floor.

CHRIS (via e-mail): Can you now toss it up to Arnie Pie in the Sky for an overhead view?

RODNEY (via e-mail): We now go to Arnie Pie in the Sky. Arnie, I understand that you are hovering over the scene…

ARNIE PIE IN THE SKY (via Rodney): We are no longer seeing flames escaping the roof of Micky’s. Just clouds of smoke. As of right now the rest of our nightlife is safe. I repeat, the rest of our nightlife is safe.

BD (via e-mail): THE CHILDREN! WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!

RODNEY (via e-mail): The latest news story is that it's only Micky’s. The roof still has structural integrity and firefighters are attempting to vent the flames. Our on the scene reporter, Brian Hay, has confirmed that Santa Monica Blvd. is closed in the area…

Unconfirmed reports have old men and strippers running for cover carrying nachos and cheese from the buffet. -- Rodney Griffis – Action News

RICK: Oh, the humanity!