Working in an office environment sometimes drives me crazy, so in order to keep things entertaining I toss out one-liners throughout the day. Some have been stolen from movies or TV shows-- I freely admit that-- but the key is being able to use them properly.Here are some examples:
THE SCENE: Weekly status meeting.
THE SITUATION: The Dude-Bro Frat Guy is out sick.
PROJECT MANAGER (to me): You think he's really sick or hung over?
ME: I think he's one food poisoning away from his goal weight.
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THE SCENE: Morning stand up meeting
THE SITUATION: Discussing yesterday's meetings
MY BIG BOSS (to the group): So how did everyone feel after yesterday's tech meeting? (looks right at me) Any confusion or anything?
ME (suddenly horrified I'd forgotten to do something): Why are you looking at me?
MY BIG BOSS: You're making a face.
ME: That's just how it looks. Don't judge me.
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THE SCENE: Meeting with Operations Manager who's in her late 20s (this is important because I never would have done this with an older woman or someone who was uptight); she's talking with My Big Boss.
THE SITUATION: Discuss upcoming copy needs.
Being extremely busy, Ops Manager sees me approach and rolls her eyes. I immediately stick my chest out and shimmy at her.
ME: Yeah, you like that, don't'cha lady?!
She bursts into laughter. I continue shimmying.
MY BIG BOSS: What are you doing?
ME: Shakin' my bits. Come on (NAME), you like it too. Admit it.
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THE SCENE: Emergency meeting
THE SITUATION: A front-end developer quit and we're short-handed.
MY IMMEDIATE BOSS (to the group): I think we'll be okay for the time being. Rick's picked up how to do html so he can get a lot of the work done until we find a replacement.
DUDE-BRO FRAT GUY (impressed): Check you out, Rick!
ME: See, I'm not just a pretty face with a rockin' body that should have come with a warning label.
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THE SCENE: Morning stand up meetingTHE SITUATION: Discussing goals for the day
MY BIG BOSS (to the assembled team): There's this company we might do business with, so we should check out their site. They're called Profilactic.com.
ME: I'll wrap myself right up in that.
5 comments:
Thanks for mentioning Profilactic. If you could work us into a sitcom, we would really appreciate the traffic boost :)
If you weren't so funny, they'd fire your shimmying butt!
Personally I go the hyperbole approach. I love seeing the reactions on the shy quiet faces of the accounting department.
You know all the stereotypes about accounting offices? They're true! It's my job to shake them up, it seems. Were I a cooler more "with it" girl, this could turn into a John Hughes flick.
I have to tell you that I laughed right out loud when I read your "Crazy Lines to Use at Work"
One that I used, and yes I thought of it all by myself.
My manager said to me, "Why didn't you take lunch today?"
"I wasn't hungry," I replied.
"Okay, but next time please take lunch. I wouldn't want to see you pass out."
"Don't worry. It's okay. I have espresso and Elmer's glue. I'll be fine."
To which he proceeded to laugh hysterically. In fact I made him spew the sip of coffee he had just taken!
The first one was from The Devil Wears Prada! Do I get a price?
Just don't joke with HR people. They don't have a sense of humor.
Congrats to Ben! I've never made anyone spit their coffee at work. Now I have a new goal.
And Vanda, no, you don't wine a prize (other than our undying love, which is quite valuable). That was an EASY one!
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