Does Miss America Have TWO DADDIES?

Shocking possibility. I know. I got this hilarious email from my friend Wil-- the one who's an editor in LA, not the guy in my blogger list. Check it out...

My BF Rick and I were lucky enough to be invited to the Miss America Pageant in Las Vegas this weekend. Our seats were directly behind the judges, in the 5th row. So we appeared on camera several times. I was rather enjoying the whole extravaganza until I received a text from what I thought was a very good friend. It read, "Girl it's true. the camera adds at least 15 pounds." Devastation set in. Thank GOD I was distracted enough by my cocktail and the parade of disaster in front of me to wallow for too long.

The best was when Rick nudged me and pointed to the raisers on stage left. They had sat the parents of the top 10 girls there to watch them in the talent competition. As I counted the over dressed Mom's and Dad's I paused and had to recount again. In the 3rd row on the left I saw, Daddy, Mommy, Daddy, Daddy. Yup! One of the contestants had TWO daddies!!! I know they were together because they had matching red velvet vests under their tuxes. but who's were they? Who what the girl with the two daddies?

We listened and watched dreadful outfits and horrible performances on stage until the sassy, cute, and perfectly quaffed Miss Washington got up to sing Angel, by Robbie Williams. We have a Winner!!!! I mean really! How many of these girls even know who Robbie Williams is?! It was confirmed when after the song the daddies both stood up and applauded. Now you know who we rooted for, for the rest of the evening.

She ended up coming in as second runner up. Miss Michigan won the crown. Her ridiculous rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" should subject her to riding in a parade at the top of the giant swan! Then our Miss Washington can take her place where she belongs. Thought you would enjoy thisWil

A Scar at the YMCA

The YMCA's locker room is an incredibly clean facility but it looks exactly as you'd expect it: old, with tan lockers creating maze-like partitions, with multiple tiled wet areas on one side that simply feature shower heads protruding from the wall. In short, it's a pornographer's wet dream because there's lots of space and little privacy.

But there is absolutely NOTHING sexy about this locker room. If you think I may turn a corner and run into a big, rough muscle bear or some tweaked-out circuit queen with abs of steel and dreams of pink winking me, think again.

At the hour I go, the locker room is mostly populated by retirees, old Russians, and various midlde aged men with hair on their backs. Not that I've got a think against a Chewbacca, I'm just sayin' it's not particularly erotic.

There's one Russian guy who walks with a cane-- many of these guys do, and I honestly want to applaud any guy who's active enough to grab his cane, hit the gym at 6am every morning, and then shuffle around the locker room wearing shower sandles and nothing else. Huzzah!

So Russian guy is always using the toilet when I shower. He has the stall closed and his cane hanging on the door. I don't generally pay attention to these sorts of things, but as I shave after my shower I'll suddenly hear, "Oh REALLY????" boom from the stall in a thick Russian accent. Then a bit of paper ruffling and something like, "NO! Hahahahahahah!"

FLUSH!

This seemed odd to me, but then he slapped a newspaper onto the top of the door, so at least I knew he was talking about that.

Then the stall door opens, he shuffles out naked, leaves the cane and newspaper on the door-- I suppose because he's reserving his seat-- then shuffles behind me to the showers. He has an enormous scar on his hip, thick and darker than the rest of his bum, and it curves in a wide arch as though outlining his butt cheek. I imagine he was in some kind of Cold War-era combat situation, perhaps tortured or something, but then he fled to the United States to offer up information that would protect our country and offer himself a better life.

Then I think he probably just had a hip replacement and shouldn't be walking around the wet area in sandles without his cane. Then I realize I'm staring and I should stop.

Scar showers for a minute, walks past me again dripping wet because he doesn't have a towel, and SMACK! SMACK! SMACKS! on all the hot air blowers as he passes them. He doesn't stop to dry himself there-- though I must admit the warm air feels very comforting as it blows up my towel-- he just returns to his stall, closes the door, sits with a moan, and pulls the paper down.

"Aww, NO!" Scar laughs once again to his paper. I dress and as I head out, I hear the flush and see him heading back to the showers. There's no telling how long this continues.

Swisher Saved My Life Tonight

Dear friends & family,

I am now going to write about urination. You have been warned.

So I'm taking a piss at this restaurant, using a urinal not unlike many restaurant/bar urinals I have used in LA, and I notice the familiar, friendly red mat that is placed at the bottom to catch gum and any other foreign matter one might choose to toss into a white porcelain flushable pee bucket.

I've always known that it's supplied by the a company known as "Swisher," which I find particularly funny for gay establishments. But that's beside the point. I've never actually read what the thing had to say.
This time I did.
Wait, get a closer look...
Seriously? If I was a drug addict on the verge of snorting a fat white rail of cocaine or shooting up a hot needle of black tar, would a red plastic piss mat be the thing that stops me from going down that dark, dirty road?

Please discuss.

A Tragedy Strikes LA!

This was the phone call I got Sunday from an editor.

EDITOR (very urgent voice): Hey, I'm stuck at Sundance and the Editor in Chief is in Italy. what are you doing on Tuesday?

ME: Working at my new job. Why?

EDITOR: I need someone at ??:00pm to go to the Chateau Marmont and interview Kylie Minogue.

No, I can't call in sick, can't sneak out, can't say Steve is in the hospital, can't use any of the 100 excuses you're all screaming at me to use right now. Well, okay, technically I could but there are many other reasons why I don't think it would be right and have to stick with this new job and not skate out for what would have been the most exciting moment in my writing career since interviewing Jennifer Garner and Lynda Carter.

It's a sad day at our house. Truly.

Cloverfield Screening!!

I won't write any major spoilers, but if you don't want to find anything out then you should click away now.

I will say this...

Cloverfield is a super fun ride.

It's all shot on hand held camera, like The Blair Witch Project, so you've been warned. If you get motion sickness, look down at your feet for a second. You won't miss anything vital.

You WILL see the monster. And more...

Lizzy Caplan of Mean Girls and the canceled sitcom, The Class is awesome. We love her. She'd love us. We know it.

I didn't get nearly as annoyed with these characters supposedly shooting footage during a crisis as I did when watching Blair Witch.

I hate movie goers in LA who attend early screenings and then wax poetic (loud enough for everyone to hear) on the way out of the theater about how this isn't serious cinema. It's banal. They're so above it all... No shit, dipwad! What did you think you were going to see?

Greg Grunberg, who has seemingly been in every single JJ Abrams project, is not in the film. And if he was, he died quicker than he died in the pilot episode of Lost.

But our biggest complaint? The Statue of Liberty's head is much larger-- it can hold people inside it, right? This one could barely hold our 800-square foot house.

Eh, whatever. We saw it early, we saw it for free, and I got paid to work on the press release. Life is good.

Getting The Bends in My New Article

This is Sagiv Ben on the cover of IN Los Angeles magazine. A month ago I wrote about taking an aerial fitness class from a former Cirque du Soleil performer.

Well, the issue is finally out. It hit the streets last week but it's finally online and you can read it here.

Just as an FYI, Sagiv is not that Cirque performer (but he's a really hot guy and that's what IN cares about when choosing cover models). The actual instructor is a woman named Aloysia Gavre and she was in O and Quidam; she's in the photo below, coaching me as I do a pose with Sagiv. (And yes, it did take some convincing to get me shirtless for that photo-- when you're standing next to Sagiv it's easy to be intimidated. But after ten seconds of the editor, Aloysia and Sagiv bugging me, I agreed for the sake of good journalism.)

Steve and I actually took the class together on Tuesday night. Super fun, a hard but really satisfying workout, and hopefully Steve liked it enough to go again.
The editors did not use this photo for their fitness issue, but the one in the mag is also pretty cool. So if you get a second, check out the story!

Snow White Similarities

Yes, as some of you have noted, the pictures from my recent Snow White post are very similar to images from the Chinese Terracotta Army.

Is it a coincidence that they both come from China? Hm....

March of the Snow Whites

Picture it: A warehouse the size of a football field, filled with Snow White garden statues...
And Dwarfs... ...all ready to take on the lawns of America.
Um, and by lawns, I mean ACRES of lawns.
Acres of lawns and apartments and houses that are desperate for lots and lots of Snow Whites and Seven Dwarfs and numerous woodland creatures.

And if you can picture all that, then you get a rough idea of what Steve's looking at when he goes to the factories. (And how surreal must it be to see a warehouse loaded with stuff you designed? Crazy!)
I wish I could show you the cool pictures he took of next year's Nightmare Before Christmas products. Or even cooler for movie and animation fans, the Who Framed Roger Rabbit snow globe that MOVES! But alas, I can't. Not yet.

Steve Returns Tonight!

Steve returns from Hong Kong tonight. Not as many great stories as his last trip, but in case you haven't been following along, he goes there to work with sculptors to perfect things like this Snow White's Garden line.

Here the dwarves as garden gnomes, a bird house, bird feeder, etc. Really cool. You can read more about the Snow White stuff on his boss Juan's blog, which is called Disney Store Shelves.

Anyway, this is the material Steve worked on during his last trip. I'm honestly not sure what things he was working on this time.

I planned on writing more about work, and the CRAZY ASS OLD MEN who use the YMCA's locker room. Not pervy. Crazy. Word! But there's so much to do/learn at work and a couple freelance gigs I'm still sorting through, that I haven't had as much time to blog.

But just to make y'all a little jealous, we're going to see Cloverfield next Thursday. Word of warning: it's all hand-held camera.

You Vanda Visit Our Friend?

Our friend Vanda Nagy is a really cool lady. We know her through friends Frank and Michele-- the couple I married a couple years ago-- and while she works in the same entertainment world as many of our friends, our relationship with Vanda primarily surrounded parties and alcohol.



Not that we're boozers. We just liked drinking with her (she's from Hungary), eating with her (she's got good taste), and chatting about various random things.

Now I find out Vanda has started putting some of her artistic work online.


For a look at Vanda's cool photos, check out her website with images from the Valley. They're cool, desolate shots, capturing a distinctly eerie feeling.

Vanda has also started a blog called Toadberry, which feels like many of our conversations. She's got some nifty pics, random thoughts, and yummy recipes.


Check her out when you can.

Fantastic Xanadu Interview

Do you all know Dennis Hensley? If not, you should. He is an amazingly funny writer/performer and he has this cool blog on the OutZone website, which is run by Bravo, the gayest network on TV. He recently interviewed Robert Ahrens, who helped bring Xanadu to Broadway.

If you love Xanadu, you'll love this interview. It should be one more motivation to see Xanadu on Broadway. Or buy a Xanadude or an "I'm A Muse" shirt! And if you love yourself, you should read more of Dennis' writing. ALL THE TIME.

View From The 15th Floor

My first three days of work flew by. The offices are on the 15th floor of this swank building in Brentwood/Santa Monica, and when I showed up I was given a window desk. From my seat I can see the Getty Museum on the distant hills. If I turn around to talk to my boss, I can see the Pacific Ocean. Sunsets are magnificent.

On more than one occasion people joked that I shouldn't comfortable in that seat. Yeah, okay, I get it. New boy does NOT get the prime real estate. But I loved it anyway.

Then on Friday that fact was confirmed. I will be losing this view next week. I think I'm being placed with the bastard step children over in the island of misfit toys. More to come on that.

I would have taken photos of the office and view but Steve took the camera to Hong Kong. Yes, he's gone again and Ricky is very sad. He made it safe (with a head cold, no less) but he had slept for nearly 24 hours and when he called me at 7am his time, he was feeling much better.

So the weekend was spent avoiding the rain, working out, watching a screener of Juno over at my friend BD's house, then feeling draggy on Sunday and just staying close to home. Here I am with BD displaying the dessert tray-- homemade cookies and amazing cupcakes (cut up, which is why it just looks like a plate of chaos).

It was my second time watching Juno. If you haven't seen it, do it. The movie is amazing.

More blogging this week, where I ponder the question of what to do when you're a vain gay man who watches what he eats, loves tasty food and now works in an office where everyone can see and smell what you're eating.

New Years Was FUN!

We were in bed by 10:30pm.

No joke. Steve and I did it up so big in San Francisco that by the time we got back to LA we were bushed. So we watched The Cat From Outer Space and went to bed. We did awaken at midnight when the kids on our street started screaming and some fireworks went off, but then it was back to bed. We woke up at 9am the next morning, quite refreshed, and hiked Runyon Canyon. Very nice.

Just to give you the highlights of our San Francisco trip, we got to the city on Friday and had dinner with friends Tamatha and Hong; Tamatha and I met during Groundlings classes. The next day we hooked up with friends Paul and Neal for dinner; Paul went to elementary through high school with Steve. Super fun and great food in both cases.

We also went shopping. Lots of clothes and a new computer bag for me. Happiness ensued.

Sunday we had lunch with Steve's mom at The Slanted Door, one of the best Vietnamese restaurants in SF.

Then we hit Kooza the new touring show from Cirque du Soleil. It's just come to the US and it's amazing, a real return to Cirque's roots by being less about the big machinery and more about the performers' connections with the audience. Funny, touching, and frightening all at the same time.

Then we went out and partied to celebrate our trip together. I took drunk photos at the second pizza place we hit (drunk dining rules) and on the subway ride home. This is the only photo I'll post.

So between all our travels before Christmas and then this trip, we were exhausted on the 31st. Sleep was the best gift we could give ourselves.

Now it's the 3rd and yesterday was my first day at the new job. More to come...